Saturday, April 23, 2016

HOW DID IT GET LATE SO SOON?

“How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon. December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn. How did it get so late so soon?” -- Dr. Seuss

I love doing SSL.  Each issue begins with scribbled notes to myself and a list of links on a page or two of an Open Office text document, and a folder of photographs I've downloaded and saved.  I never know how I am going to manage even 12 or 14 or 22 pages.

And then page by page it emerges.  No matter how clearly I see it in my head, it is filled with surprises.  I find more and more that I want to add.  It is draining and exhausting, and I while I am thrilled to watch it emerge, I am also usually disappointed at how short it falls from my dream of what it could be, if only I had the proper tools and plenty of time.

Since Easter I have been dealing with a health issue, an impending move at the end of April - tomorrow, actually- and a return to the buses as I prepare to take my van to her final resting place in the salvage yard where she will be cannibalised.

My laptop, where all the work of SSL, and many other things, occurs, is a 5 year old Toshiba that I bought new for $200 at Microcenter.  The computer is fairing better than the van, but I do so much downloading that I am having problems with it.  I worry that the processor is going to go before I can get a new one.

And then there is the shitstorm that is 2016, as humanity collectively overthrows the Old Piscean Age and institutions and inequality and imbalance, and leaders, the Ascended Masters like Bowie and Prince truly ascend, leaving a void in the chaos.

None of this conducive to the labour intensive work of my little 'zine, even though I love it, and also that my spirits tell me that it is indeed important, even if there is not much visible support for it.

In sum, I have no idea when I will be able to finish the Special Supplement with the interview with Jesus, or the April full moon issue.  I hope if you enjoy this 'zine you will not abandon it, or me.  I have so few resources right now, and while I hope that this week I will be able to work on it and get at least the current issue done by next weekend, I may not be able to.

Just know that I can't wait for it to come out, and that I think about it all the time.  Not just the next issue in the Google Doc format, but how to get the money to build a website, how to get the proper permissions for photos, how to get the money to print ads for it, and hopefully one day have the whole 'zine printed for distribution.

Right now all I can do is dream about it though.  Because my health, my stability, my ability to function in this world, is taking all my energy.  And even when I have free time, I am so drained that I end up binge watching netflix, or re-posting excessively on facebook, or just staring at the sights of spring in St. Louis.

(There is also my life as a political activist, and I am also feeling the same pull to do those activities, which I am also not managing very well.  It may be that when I do have energy, I will choose to immerse myself in the shared reality.  The global consciousness shift is taking place, and there are many movements and uprisings, but from what I am seeing with my Third Eye much more needs to happen.  Much, much more.)

So I hope there will be a new issue soon. And I hope you will be waiting for it, no matter how long it takes me to finish it.  

1 comment:

  1. you need to take care of yourself first..fuck all the rest..get your health back..then do one thing at at a time..but your health is the most important..and I love you

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